Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?" Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information" "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First Question was which tire was flat?"
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag. Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it. Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher: Why? Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!
One day, a teacher walks into her classroom to start the lesson. She walks up to the board and sees in little writing the word "penis". She thinks nothing of it and wipes it off. The next day, she comes in and sees the word "penis", only this time it"s a little bit bigger. She wipes it off again. Sure enough, the next day she comes in and sees "penis" on the board a little bigger. This proceeds until the end of the year when finally, it"s across the whole board. The teacher wonders what"s gonna happen the next day since it"s taking up all the space on the board. When she came in the next day but doesent find "penis". This time she finds written, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets".
A little girl took her report card home and showed it to mom. The mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades. "Well look on the bright side" said the child, "you know for sure I don't cheat."