Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it. Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher: Why? Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong? Pupil: I don’t know, nobody I know owns one!
Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.
Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"
Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher? Cheryl: I don’t know. Phil: He has only one pupil.
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said. So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. " As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself."
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "It's because yer feet ain't empty."