What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ‘chew chew chew’.
In high school, teachers had to raise up their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. "And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked. "I don't know," the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor. "That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
The absent-minded teacher paused to chat awhile with one of her students, then asked, "Which way was I going when I stopped to talk to you?" "That way", the student pointed. ''Good,'' said the teacher, ''then I've had my lunch."
One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was. The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O". The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?" The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
Why did the teacher jump into the lake? Because she wanted to test the waters!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None, Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
Chuck Norris didn't go to school to learn, he went to teach.