The best science jokes

First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind." What's the problem? "Nothing." Please tell us. "I'm fine."
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has 79.71 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: science, travel, women
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"! The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?" Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
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has 78.52 % from 433 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, science, teacher
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
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has 78.50 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: life, phone, political, science
"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, science, wife
Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
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has 78.15 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
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has 77.88 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.
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has 77.25 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
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has 77.15 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, science, Yo mama
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: geek, life, math, science
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
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has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, medical, memory, science
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