The best science jokes

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, science, wife
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, science, winter
Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
Vote: has 74.83 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
E only equals MC² because Chuck Norris allows it too.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Vote: has 73.75 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, science
Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket. The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out." The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants." While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?" To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."
Vote: has 73.25 % from 149 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, school, science
An Army Officer with an under-trainee Cadet went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Officer awoke and nudged his cadet. "Charlie, look up and tell me what you see." Charlie replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Officer asked. Watson pondered for a minute and in order to impress his officer said "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that the lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Officer was silent for a minute, and then spoke. "Charlie, you idiot, somebody has stolen our **** tent."
Vote: has 72.49 % from 95 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, science, time
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?". To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Vote: has 72.01 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, science, time, women