The best science jokes

"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"
Vote:
has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, science, wife
Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
Vote:
has 73.79 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
Vote:
has 73.73 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, science, Yo mama
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?". To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Vote:
has 73.61 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: math, science, time, women
An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
Vote:
has 73.45 % from 324 votes. More jokes about: math, science
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Vote:
has 73.26 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, science
Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? A: Classical conditioning.
Vote:
has 73.13 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: geek, nerd, science
Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
Vote:
has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: communication, religious, science
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?” A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
Vote:
has 72.79 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: school, science
Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity? I just can't seem to put it down.
Vote:
has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, science
<<<3456
More jokes →
Page 3 of 13.