Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Chuck Norris can split the atom.
With his bare hands.
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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity?
I just can't seem to put it down.
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Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
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Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
A: Classical conditioning.
Yo mama's so fat, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.
"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.
"Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.
"Ah hell, whaddya know?
Ive been married to one of those for years!"