The best sex jokes

Sex isn’t the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Vote: has 70.11 % from 225 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World. The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen." "Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on." The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
Vote: has 70.02 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, genie, sex, war, wife
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this Optimus Prime.
Vote: has 69.89 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
Why are black peoples eyes red after sex? Pepper spray.
Vote: has 69.85 % from 458 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, sex
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
Vote: has 69.78 % from 208 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Vote: has 69.60 % from 145 votes. Send joke:

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An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork... Have you actually ever tasted it?" The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you’re supposed to be celibate. But..." The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you’re going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn’t it?"
Vote: has 69.53 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: priest, religious, sex, travel
I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom. I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
Vote: has 69.48 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Vote: has 69.46 % from 126 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: medical, men, money, sex, women
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Vote: has 69.45 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, husband, sex, ugly, women