The best sex jokes

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty, relationship, sex
Mary, a horny and sexy 23 year old and a handsome, single, sexy doctor Matt have an appointment together. Doctor: Well what's your problem madam? Mary: Well, there's something wrong with my tongue. Doctor: What's wrong with it? Mary: Examine it and you'll see. Doctor: Why don't you just- Mary: EXAMINE IT! Doctor: Fine. (Starts examining tongue, confused as there is nothing wrong with it.) Mary: (Suddenly pushes tongue into Matt's mouth) Doctor: (Pulls out tongue, furiously) Oh, so that's what's wrong with your tongue, eh? It's wanting sex. I see. I can fix that. (Goes to lock door, and rips off all of his clothes) Now your turn. Mary: Wow. I should have just asked. Doctor: (Starts to plunge in and out his dick from Mary's pussy.) Do you wanna make it more enjoyable? Mary: (Moaning and groaning sexually) Ooooooh yes.... Baby..... Yes.... Doctor: Ooooooh it feels SOOO good. (Starts to moan and groan sexually, he suddenly cums) Mary: Aaaaah a baby, fuck me more! Doctor: (Goes on top of Mary) I'm fucking you as hard as I can! When the session is finished, Mary wants to tell Matt something. Mary: That was great. But do you know why you got so aroused before? Doctors: Yes. It was very strange, I was not horny before. Mary: My tongue had viagra powder on it. That's why I put my tongue in your mouth.
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, sex, viagra
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Vote: has 63.79 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar, weed
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Vote: has 63.58 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
Vote: has 63.58 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dinosaur, sex
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Vote: has 63.57 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, sex, Yo mama
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Steve Martin
Vote: has 63.51 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, sex, technology
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Vote: has 63.30 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, fat, sex, wife, work