3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome.
So next time someone calls you handsome, don't take it as a compliment!
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What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
Her feet.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting.
They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex.
‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée.
‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’
‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom.
‘Was that one word or two?’
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’
‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other.
‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island.
After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford.
They build a lean-to and find some food and water.
After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate.
The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree.
"What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?"
"A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it.
"Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?"
"Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right."
"Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
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A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.”
He replies, “What did your dentist say?”
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex?
A: Two of his fingers are clean.
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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