The best sex jokes

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Vote: has 66.88 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
A man and wife were making love. When thay saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away. Mom said "You better fix this now." The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he hurd a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma. The dad screamed "What the fuck." The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, family, kids, sex
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"
Vote: has 66.69 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, parrot, sex
What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet.
Vote: has 66.69 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
Vote: has 66.68 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, military, sex
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
I went into the bar the other day & the bartender said: "What'ya have?" I said: "Suprise me." He did, He showed me a naked picture of my wife. I said: "Hey, who said you could mess around with my wife?" "Everyone did" he replied..."
Vote: has 66.61 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex