Maths is like s*x... ADD the bed MINUS the clothes DIVIDE the legs and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt! So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.