The best sex jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 66.27 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Vote: has 66.22 % from 259 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, fart, sex
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office. But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sex with you." But the girl said, "NO." Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Vote: has 66.18 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
When I was young my sister used to play with dolls and I played with soldiers, now we do it the other way round.
Vote: has 66.17 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant? A: Sum Yung Gi.
Vote: has 66.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, food, gay, sex
A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex. ‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman. The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
Vote: has 65.94 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Vote: has 65.79 % from 205 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
Did I tell you the joke about my dick? Never mind its too long.
Vote: has 65.61 % from 329 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.  In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Vote: has 65.53 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sex, time
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
Vote: has 65.51 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, little Johnny, school, sex, teacher