Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle."
Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible."
Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’?
About three inches.
A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss.
‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband.
‘Professionally of course.’
The wife replies, ‘Which profession?
Yours or hers?’
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
One day a priest told the Mother Superior that he was going into town and try to convert some ladies of the evening.
Later off he went and drove to a certain part of town known for the ladies of the evening.
The first one he approached asked him before he had a chance to say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10"
He was clueless and embarrassed and left quickly.
He approached another young woman and again before he could say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10?"
Again he left quickly and returned to the convent.
Once back he saw Mother Superior and quietly took him aside and whispered Mother Superior "what's head?"
She replied "$10.00 same as in town."
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What did Adam say to Eve?
‘Stand back!
I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.