Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes.
They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss.
‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband.
‘Professionally of course.’
The wife replies, ‘Which profession?
Yours or hers?’
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
Husband: "When I die, I'd like to die making love."
Wife: "At least we know it'll be quick!"
What did Adam say to Eve?
‘Stand back!
I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex?
A: They're both very rare.