What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet.
A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.” He replies, “What did your dentist say?”
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
The wife is back on the warpath again. I suggested that we make a little sex tape ... she was up for it ... until I suggested holding auditions. I just don’t understand why she is so mad!
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together? A: In case you miss.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
What did the elephant say to the nude man? ‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...