The best sex jokes

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
Vote: has 54.46 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: Whats the definition of vagina? A: The box a penis comes in.
Vote: has 54.44 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, sex, Yo mama
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
Vote: has 54.16 % from 160 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
Vote: has 54.09 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
Vote: has 54.09 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, sex, wife
I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’. I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.
Vote: has 53.69 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fitness, health, sex, sport, wife
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them." And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiot I'm your brother."
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, game, gay, sex
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
Vote: has 53.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex