Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand. So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!" and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?" and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?" Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."