I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.
"Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving?
They both fell off the motorcycle.
Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
A guy buys his first motorcycle.
The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.
A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house.
Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break.
After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up.
He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her.
Silence.
Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table.
Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance.
The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket.
"OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"