The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
Vote:
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start.
I think it needs a new battery.
Could you change it for me?"
He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof!
Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed.
So is the plumbing.
So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened.
"Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."
"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.