The best sex jokes

I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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has 61.95 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: computer, disgusting, sex
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
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has 61.87 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: sex
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
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has 61.85 % from 273 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
Maths is like s*x... ADD the bed MINUS the clothes DIVIDE the legs and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
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has 61.60 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: math, sex
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
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has 61.56 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, marriage, sex, wife
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: sex
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, marriage, political, sex
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: church, life, priest, sex, war
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