Woman to doctor: ‘Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.’ Doctor: ‘And what are you taking for it?’ Woman: ‘Pepper.’
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
This little kid is walking up the street with his Daddy. They see two dogs going at it. The little kid says "Hey daddy what are those doggies doing?" The father says "Ahh, they're making a puppy." That night the little kid walks in on his mother & father and daddy's on top driving it home to mama! The little kid says "Hey daddy what were you doing with Mommy?" He says "Oh, were making it a baby." The kid say "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex? She locks the car doors.