The best sex jokes

There's something actionable in your pants.
Vote: has 38.00 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

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A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’
Vote: has 37.73 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Vote: has 37.14 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

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Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
Vote: has 37.08 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

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What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Vote: has 36.82 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
Vote: has 36.78 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age? A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.
Vote: has 36.64 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, black people, dirty, sex, women
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Vote: has 36.45 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
Vote: has 36.11 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, dirty, disgusting, sex
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, sex