The best sex jokes

A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, "Nein!, Nein" So two guys walk away.

Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!

Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.

So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner "Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom." The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob. So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis. So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"

Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.

Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.

This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.