The best sex jokes

My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?" I said, "It's for sound effects during sex." He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?" I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."
has 51.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: phone, sex
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
has 51.81 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
has 51.80 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
She’s got her very own method of birth control. She takes her make-up off.
has 51.70 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: sex
Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.
has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fat, sex, Yo mama
A young couple get between the sheets for the first time. In a flash it’s over. The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’ His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
has 51.58 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: sex
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.
has 51.58 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
has 51.54 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: sex
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
has 51.53 % from 280 votes. More jokes about: men, sex
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