The best sex jokes

So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
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has 51.58 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
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has 51.54 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: sex
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
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has 51.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, health, sex
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
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has 51.11 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: men, sex
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
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has 50.97 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, women
Do you work at a cattery? Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher? They both got fired.
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has 50.76 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: sex
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs. When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble". When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
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has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex, teacher
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
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has 50.64 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: sex
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
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has 50.54 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
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