So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?"
Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun."
God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations."
The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan."
"Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp."
Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?"
"Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’
Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’
Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Do you work at a cattery?
Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?
They both got fired.
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs.
When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble".
When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him.
The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows...
You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.