The best sex jokes

‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’ George Burns
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has 52.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: sex
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
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has 52.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? When his hand caught fire.
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has 52.63 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: sex
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
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has 52.52 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: sex
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck. The father says "okay, you know what to do." Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick." The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, family, redneck, sex
Question master: ‘In the Garden of Eden, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?’ Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one!’ Question master: ‘Well done. Two points.’
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has 52.45 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: sex
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
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has 52.42 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, sex
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: athlete, sex, women
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
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has 52.23 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
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