My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex.
I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience.
Between five it’s fantastic!’
Woody Allen
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long.
He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?"
"No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir.
But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along.
‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says.
‘What time did you pull out this morning?’
‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy.
‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He
decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her.
When he looked in his
mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing
herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man"
So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again,
but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it
out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in
bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his
clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I
need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
Vote:
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.