‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience.
Between five it’s fantastic!’
Woody Allen
‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’
George Burns
An old man goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you give me something to lower my sex drive.’
The doctor replies, ‘I would have thought at your age it’s all in the mind,’
‘It is,’ agrees the old man.
‘That’s why I want it lower.’
Question master: ‘In the Garden of Eden, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?’
Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one!’
Question master: ‘Well done. Two points.’
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, "Nein!, Nein"
So two guys walk away.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex.
I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.