Q: What did I do in the bed last night. A: Your mom.
Good: Your daughter has got a new job. Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very ugly: She makes more money than you.
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed. The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
One day, a Sodomite went to his doctor's office to get an HIV blood test. While there, his blood got drawn and he then left. Two weeks later, he was back at his doctor's office in an examination room, waiting for the result of the HIV test. Suddenly, his doctor walks into the examination room and says to the gay guy, "I'm awfully sorry to tell you that the test shows that you're definitely HIV positive." The gay guy then asks the doctor, "So, what needs to be done now, doctor?" The doctor says to the gay dude, "I want you to go home, sit down at your kitchen table and eat 20 hamburgers, 20 hot dogs, 20 pizzas, 20 bags of chips, and 20 gallons of ice cream." The gay then asks his doctor, "How's doing all that gonna help me out with my HIV, doctor?" The doctor then replied, "It's not gonna help you out with your HIV at all but it will definitely teach you what your asshole is really for."
Nigel, a college student is talking to a friend. ‘Y’ know,’ he says. ‘I think my room-mate is queer.’ ‘Why d’you say that?’ asks the student. ‘Well,’ replies Nigel. ‘Every time I kiss him goodnight he shuts his eyes.’
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.