The best sex jokes

Nigel, a college student is talking to a friend. ‘Y’ know,’ he says. ‘I think my room-mate is queer.’ ‘Why d’you say that?’ asks the student. ‘Well,’ replies Nigel. ‘Every time I kiss him goodnight he shuts his eyes.’
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has 49.80 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
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has 49.72 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: fart, marriage, sex
Mary, a horny and sexy 23 year old and a handsome, single, sexy doctor Matt have an appointment together. Doctor: Well what's your problem madam? Mary: Well, there's something wrong with my tongue. Doctor: What's wrong with it? Mary: Examine it and you'll see. Doctor: Why don't you just- Mary: EXAMINE IT! Doctor: Fine. (Starts examining tongue, confused as there is nothing wrong with it.) Mary: (Suddenly pushes tongue into Matt's mouth) Doctor: (Pulls out tongue, furiously) Oh, so that's what's wrong with your tongue, eh? It's wanting sex. I see. I can fix that. (Goes to lock door, and rips off all of his clothes) Now your turn. Mary: Wow. I should have just asked. Doctor: (Starts to plunge in and out his dick from Mary's pussy.) Do you wanna make it more enjoyable? Mary: (Moaning and groaning sexually) Ooooooh yes.... Baby..... Yes.... Doctor: Ooooooh it feels SOOO good. (Starts to moan and groan sexually, he suddenly cums) Mary: Aaaaah a baby, fuck me more! Doctor: (Goes on top of Mary) I'm fucking you as hard as I can! When the session is finished, Mary wants to tell Matt something. Mary: That was great. But do you know why you got so aroused before? Doctors: Yes. It was very strange, I was not horny before. Mary: My tongue had viagra powder on it. That's why I put my tongue in your mouth.
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has 49.65 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: doctor, sex, viagra
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
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has 49.58 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dirty, sex, time, women
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, money, sex
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
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has 49.30 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex
Q: What did I do in the bed last night. A: Your mom.
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has 49.25 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, sex
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it. Why? Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex. No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.
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has 48.78 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, marriage, sex, wife
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
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has 48.78 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, flirt, sex
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