A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night? A: Pastor Bedtime.
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Yo mama is so stupid, she did her dad last night.
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?" The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry. When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man. you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?" "well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too" The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie pops out and says "I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!" The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral" So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife. Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA. He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him. "What are you trying to do," she asked. Lalu explained the spousal sex. The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn. Now I’ve got an overwhelming desire to charge at Land Rovers.