A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night? A: Pastor Bedtime.
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Q: Why do fat, ugly women give the best blow jobs? A: Because they have to!
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.