What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms.
The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’
‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims.
‘I thought you rolled them on!’
There's something actionable in your pants.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
Vote:
So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’
Les Dawson
A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former
buddies at work about the operation.
"Was it painful?" someone asked.
"Well,"she said.
"There was one part that was extremely painful."
"I bet I know what
part was so painful," someone else said.
"I bet it was when they cut off your
balls," they said.
"No," she said.
"I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a
thing."
"Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another
person offered.
"No," she said.
"I was sedated then too, and didn't feel
anything."
"Then what part of the operation was so painful?"
They wanted to
know.
"Well," she said.
"After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in
my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
What do you say to a virgin?
Thanks for nothing!
Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.
Vote: