A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty.
His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex.
After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition.
‘Stuff that!’ says the woman.
‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.
Vote:
Roses are red
violets are blue,
I have never tried
So can I stick it up you?
Vote:
‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’
Les Dawson
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
Vote:
What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.