Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?
A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
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Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
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Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house?
A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
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What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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Chuck Norris round house kicked the xbox and made the xbox 360.
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Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
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I just saw a mexjcan guy walking down the street with a tv and I thought " wow, that looks just like mine."
But I knew mine was at home shining my shoes.
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I think Chuck Norris is fake cuz if he were real he'd come right now and smash my face into my keyboaraoebdbfjvjdblgoirugsvdkf
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A retiree and his aged wife started having problems in remembering, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the wife got up from her chair and her retired husband asks, "Where are you going?"
She replies, "To the kitchen."
he asks "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
She replies, "Sure." he then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
She says, "No, I can remember that." he then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
She says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
he replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top.
I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in her voice, she says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that."
She then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes she returns from the kitchen and hands him a plate of bacon and eggs.
He stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
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