Facebook had a dislike button, then Chuck Norris joined. Nobody dislikes Chuck Norris.
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
Yo mama so fat when she fell on my iPod it became an iPad.
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus? A dead wringer.
Q: What is 001011010110101010100101010010101015 in binary? A: A major glitch!
Q: How do you fix a broken website? A: With stick e-tape.
Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house? A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
Black man says to siri: "Take me home" Siri replies: "Taking you the quickest route to jail."