The best technology jokes

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated. HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part. SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on. SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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has 48.18 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: marriage, technology, time, travel
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: stupid, technology, Yo mama
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
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has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone, technology
Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
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has 47.63 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, geek, IT, technology
When I was young I had my first induction day in IT we were making an animation on scratch me and my friend decided to go on our phones. The teacher came over and asked, "what we were doing on our phones." I had to think fast so I said "we were researching something" she said that was alright. Still, to this day I wonder why she didn't notice that we had computers in front of us that had the school wifi.
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has 47.46 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: phone, school, stupid, teacher, technology
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology
Chuck Norris has a website, is called the internet.
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has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology
Chuck Norris can send an e-mail with a pencil.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, technology
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
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has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: school, student, teacher, technology, time
Chuck Norris can comment on Facebook posts, before you publish them.
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Facebook, technology
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