The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
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My iPhone fell from the 20th floor.
Good thing it was in airplane mode.
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Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"
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Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!
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I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
What am I...? A microwave?
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A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
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