When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love. He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him. The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive. After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind. It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.
Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
Here is an actual list of aircraft problems reported by pilots at the end of the day for the mechanics to fix before takeoff the next day followed by the notes the mechanics left for the pilots to read the next morning. (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
Why use Linux: No Windows, no Gates, no Bill to pay.