Chuck Norris made time wait.
Chuck Norris once slapped a man into next week. The man was missing for four and a half years.
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
Chuck Norris beat the light speed by 2 hours and 23 minutes.
Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.