A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
What is a frogs favorite time? Leap Year!
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: - Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: - Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. - But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: - I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. - But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. - Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
What fits your schedule better...... Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
Q: How long does it take a black lady to shit? A: About 9 months.
Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A. She picks up her purse and goes home.
Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.
Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me. Look how time files!