The best time jokes

God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Vote: has 42.06 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, time
An old man tells his psychiatrist that he is already very old and he has committed during his life many sins. The psychiatrist wanted to help him, so he has asked him: "And how long are you with your wife?" The man answered: "45 years." The psychiatrist said: "Don´t have the fear, because after your death you will be surely added to the sufferers, sleep well."
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, marriage, old people, time
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time, war
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
Vote: has 40.67 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Vote: has 40.39 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, stupid, time, Yo mama
"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?" "So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuck."
Vote: has 40.39 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, little Johnny, love, music, time
Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, time, Yo mama
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
Vote: has 38.22 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, time


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