The best time jokes

What fits your schedule better...... Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
Vote: has 28.82 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, time
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Vote: has 26.16 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time
Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me. Look how time files!
Vote: has 25.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, time
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"
Vote: has 25.82 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, redneck, time
Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited. Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, time
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, time
Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, time, wife
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, men, time
I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
Vote: has 22.70 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, time
For thirty years, Officer Johnson had arrived at the police station at 9 A.M. on the dot ready for duty. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival in the briefing room, it caused a major sensation. All announcements and patrol assignments ceased and the sergeant himself, looking at his watch and muttering, stormed out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, his uniform dusty and torn, his nametag missing, his face scratched and bruised, his shield bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs. Nearly freakin' killed myself." And the sergeant said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
Vote: has 22.36 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, time


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