CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris bunked school one day. Till today that day is known as Sunday.
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes.
Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.
A lecturer who was drunk walked in a class. Ater few minutes he wanted to urinate, he ran out and open a zip slowly, so that he may urinate. After urinating, that's when he realized that the zip he opened was for a jacket.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.