The best time jokes

Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!

Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.

It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.

The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...

Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes.

Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.

In my village, it is not usual, ordinary, even normal that somebody would go to work. Even though there is one person in our village who goes to work on a regular basis. In the morning when he goes to work the whole village accompanies him, men, women, children, grannies and grandpas and in the evening when he goes back from work the whole village welcomes him back. We all are smiling at him and we are waving at him with the bunches of purple lilac flowers for example during this period of time, April, May.

Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited. Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"