The best travel jokes

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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has 54.06 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office. When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television. I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you.... - No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa... 2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time... Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom? 3 - Keep your spe cs in the box.. Last time around it was found in the refrigerator. 4 - Salary already paid to maid. No need to be extra generous. 5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not? Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs... And our laundry person and milkman are also different. 6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'... Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work.... 7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright. No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again. 8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended. No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.. 9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. So sleep early.... 10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... They all w ill be out of station in this period.... 11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one. I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least. 12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you. Happy vacation
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has 53.78 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, holiday, stupid, travel, wife
Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel
Teller: "Why did the blonde move to L.A.?" Blonde: "I don't know. Why?" Teller: "It was easier to spell." Blonde: "Easier than what?"
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, travel
SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated. HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part. SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on. SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: marriage, technology, time, travel
Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
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has 53.01 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: airplane, Chuck Norris, phone, travel
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says, "Oh, forget that nigga."
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has 52.99 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, sport, travel
Where do rabbits go after their wedding? On their bunnymoon.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, travel, wedding
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, fart, travel, Yo mama
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
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has 52.77 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women
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