How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."
World War II started because Burger King screwed up Chuck Norris' order. Today Burger King NEVER gives you onions unless you ask for them.
Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
Yo mamas so fat that she fought a war with her own farts.
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.