The best winter jokes

Q: What do pirates wear in the winter? A: Long Johns!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: pirate, winter
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death, travel, winter
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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has 62.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: bird, disgusting, holiday, winter
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, winter
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, winter
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
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has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport, winter
Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ? A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: food, winter
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
A truck was traveling through town. When the driver stopped at a red light, A blonde jumped out of her car, ran up to the driver of the truck, and said, "Mr. you're losing part of your load". She jumps back into her car and follows the truck to the next light. She jumps out of car and runs up to the driver's window, "Mr. you're losing part of your load." The same thing happens for 7 stops, finally the 8th stop, the blonde came running up to the truck driver's window, before she could say anything, the driver said, "MA'AM, THIS IS WINTER IN MAINE, I'M DRIVING A SALT TRUCK......."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, stupid, winter
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