The best winter jokes

A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
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More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women
Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
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More jokes about: phone, technology, winter, work
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ? A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!
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More jokes about: food, winter
Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night? A: Cold cream!
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More jokes about: beauty, wife, winter
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport, winter
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
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More jokes about: disgusting, winter
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
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More jokes about: baby, wife, winter
Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia. Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure." Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..." What to do? Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea. So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?" The Chinese replies: "Right now!" Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic... Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ethnic, political, war, winter, work
My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, winter