The best winter jokes

After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge. As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed. Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!" A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!" I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
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has 67.69 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, sex, sport, winter
Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf? A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: winter
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: winter
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter? A: Long Johns!
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: pirate, winter
Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: phone, technology, winter, work
Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: travel, winter
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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has 62.85 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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has 62.46 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: hipster, love, winter