The best winter jokes

Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf? A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: winter
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
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has 65.91 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
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has 64.93 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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has 64.93 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
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has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women
Q: Where do Snowmen go to dance? A: To snowballs.
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has 61.98 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: winter
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter? A: Long Johns!
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: pirate, winter
Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: hipster, love, winter
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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has 60.02 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? A: Have an ice day!
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: winter