I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
How many Feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1) None. Feminists can't change anything. 2) Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to berate any men who offer to help.
"Does she have a boyfriend?" "Yes, a cute, strong and clever one." "What's the name?" "John, Michael and Bill."
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.