The best jokes about women

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?". "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
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has 69.15 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: ginger, life, money, women
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
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has 68.86 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, money, sex, women
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, music, women
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, women
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down. She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?" "Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. "Okay," she says. After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?" They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long. Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?" "Yeah," says Luke, "I remember." "Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed. "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not." "Me neither," says Jed. "Let's take these things off."
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has 68.77 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, disgusting, travel, women
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
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has 68.72 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: women
A chubbier woman: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Mirror: "Kindly move aside. I can't see anything."
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, women
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: men, sex, women
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
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has 68.60 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: fat, life, love, money, women
This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!" As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?" The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: women
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