What’s the difference between a straight woman and a bisexual woman?
4 drinks.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
Why Airplanes are better than Women ?
Airplanes usually kill you quickly ...a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch....
Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go"....
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection....
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation....
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits....
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month....
Airplanes don't come with in-laws....
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before....
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time....
Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes....
Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines....
Airplanes expect to be tied down....
Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills....
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong....
However...when airplanes go quiet...just like women...it's usually not good.
If you miscalculate and make a mistake with an airplane, you don't have a bunch of "little airplanes" flying around out of control!
When your airplane is sitting there looking at you face to face whining @ 15,000 r's, you want to hear more!
With an airplane, your frequency is continuous, and not just once or twice a year!
The shape of an airplanes empanage stays constant over the years!
Airplanes don't stop for yard and garage sales or tupperware parties!
If an airplane gets in the way, you just put it out in the garage, and that is that!
It is interesting watching an airplane stall!
If a woman ground loops, it is usually more than just a broken prop!
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Vote:
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened."
Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.