The best jokes about women

Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Vote: has 59.75 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
George meets a genie in the street, which tells him to make a wish and it will make it true. "I want to pee whiskey," he says. “But are you sure? You can ask for money, wealth, anything you want." "No I want to pee whiskey." The genie thinks what can it do, it makes his wish true. George goes home, calls his wife, Sue: "Woman, get nuts and two glasses." Curious she was, she brings them. "What do you want them? She asks him. Once we don’t have any drinks." From now on, we will both have as much whiskey as we want, says to her. And really he fills the two glasses with whiskey. They clink, drink one, drink two drinks, make some fun … and play a little game. The other night the same happen. "Woman, bring two glasses and nuts." So they spend their evenings. One night, however, the scene changed. "Woman, bring nuts and a cup." "A, for one?" "You will drink from the bottle today."
Vote: has 59.75 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, game, money, women
On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked. "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, beer, men, phone, women
Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress? She was charged with rustling!
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, science, women