The best jokes about women

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women
I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her ...
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More jokes about: women
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
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More jokes about: animal, women
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, "Bartender, I would like a drink." There's an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, "Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink." She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender's attention, and orders another. The old man says, "Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants." Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, "Sir, that's nice of you, but how do you know she's a ballerina?" The old man answers, "Son, you don't get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high."
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, bar, bartender, women
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food, women
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: game, money, women
Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis? Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
Vote: has 58.58 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: funeral, lawyer, women
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, old people, women