A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For One 1 16oz can of Miller Lite The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Q: Why do horny women order at Subway? A: Footlongs.
Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. The one guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional.” The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids.” They then asked the woman, “What are you?” She replied: “I’m a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!