The best jokes about women

Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 61.15 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: god, women
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: time, women
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
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has 60.98 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
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has 60.88 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: doctor, military, women
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: music, women
On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked. "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: women
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
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has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women
Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
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has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: Why do some women look at blank paper? A: They like to read their rights.
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has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: women
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