The best jokes about women

A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
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has 61.84 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions? A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: women
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: men, political, women
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, mean, women, work
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 61.56 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, men, political, women
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
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has 61.35 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
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has 61.31 % from 222 votes. More jokes about: sex, women
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: technology, wine, women, work
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, time, women
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