The best work jokes

A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the opera. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly "we’re going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper The edmonton sun, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, music, prison, work
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, hunting, work
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, men, wine, work
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Vote: has 50.78 % from 111 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: game, kids, money, work
A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas. They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately. The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job. Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert. Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around. Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, life, travel, work
An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me." Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, health, life, wife, work
Why are niggers like sperm? Only 1 in a Million actually works
Vote: has 50.44 % from 97 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, work
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, husband, men, wife, work
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, mean, money, technology, work
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, cop, death, work


<<<36373839
More jokes →
Page 36 of 41.