Best jokes ever

Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little attention." Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
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has 80.99 % from 353 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Boy: “I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.”
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has 80.99 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: school
Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
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has 80.98 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
"Mommie, Mommie....did you know that nurses can come apart..?" "Well...no. What makes you say that..?" "Because the other night, I overheard Daddy say that he screwed the ass off of a nurse..!"
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has 80.98 % from 236 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Why is Facebook like Jail? "You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know!"
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has 80.98 % from 370 votes. More jokes about: Facebook
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
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has 80.98 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
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has 80.97 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, college, couple
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
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has 80.97 % from 524 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: … DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one? SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno. DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad) MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)
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has 80.97 % from 2616 votes. More jokes about: sex
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years. An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
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has 80.96 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, life, time
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