Best jokes ever

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife: Wife: How many women have u slept with? Husband: Only you darling, I was awake with the other women.
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has 81.11 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: husband, wife
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
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has 81.09 % from 2398 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, lawyer, stupid, Yo mama
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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has 81.07 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: men
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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has 81.06 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, money, programmer
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
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has 81.05 % from 290 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny
Chuck Norris shot a man to death with an unloaded nerf gun.
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has 81.05 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.” and she processes his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
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has 81.05 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: old people, wife, women
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. "That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?" "I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."
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has 81.05 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, food, time, wife
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
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has 81.04 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, friendship
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
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has 81.03 % from 5470 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
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