Best jokes ever

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk. The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks". To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!" And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!" They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
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has 81.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 81.18 % from 438 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."
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has 81.18 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, funeral
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
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has 81.18 % from 484 votes. More jokes about: family, geek, IT, kids
Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
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has 81.17 % from 3970 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, insulting, Yo mama
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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has 81.17 % from 368 votes. More jokes about: school
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
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has 81.16 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life
"Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station?" "Five bucks, sir." "And how much for my suitcase?" "No charge for the suitcase, sir." "Okay. Take the case and I’ll walk."
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has 81.16 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: money, travel
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
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has 81.16 % from 14871 votes. More jokes about: management, money, sex, time
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew it.
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has 81.16 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: life
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