Chuck Norris to Major Tom - Stay there.
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The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
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Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window.
After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window.
He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window.
After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"
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I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body?
My dick.
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One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
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Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
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Q: Why are pubic hairs curly?
A: So you don't poke your eye out.
What's red and sits in a corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.
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