Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.
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Q: Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A: Her lipstick.
In World War 2 Chuck Norris Pointed his Fingers at an enemy zero and said BANG, The plane burst into flames and crashed.
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Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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Little Johnny returns from school and says:
"Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!"
"But I hope you are not writing them, my son."
"No, I'm dictating them!"
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Chuck Norris' favorite game is winning.
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Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep!
So do you abuse me in your sleep!
Football Player: Coach, It is just not true!
Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!
Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone?
"Foreign ambassador."