When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish." The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east." The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits." The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes" Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
A woman applies for a job in a lemon grove. ‘Have you got any experience picking lemons?’ asks the foreman. ‘I certainly have,’ says the woman. ‘I’ve been married four times.’
Chuck Norris drew a triangle with four sides.
Yo mamma’s so fat, that if you throw her out the window people will start screaming: Look, a flying saucer!
A couple celebrating their 50th anniversary had many well wishers stop by to congratulate them. After all of their guest had left, the two settled into recliners. “Mother,” the man said, “our marriage is tried and true.” “What’s that you say?” she asked. “You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.” “I said, our marriage is tried and true,” he repated, a little louder.
Q: How Many White People Does it Take To Screw In a Lightbulb? A: None, they get a nigger to do it.
Wanna party with me like you just don't care? Put your hand up 45° in the air!