Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet. Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? Do you rule your roost?" The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." "What happened then?" they ask. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don’t have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?”" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself? He’s smoking a cigarette.
Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons? A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?
What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana.
Q: Why do blacks have flat noses? A: That's where God put his foot when he pulled off their tails.
Gays don't fart - their asses fetch a sigh.
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men? You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.