Best jokes ever

Friend: your racist me: i'm not racist because racisms a crime and crime is for black people.
Vote: has 48.59 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
Vote: has 48.59 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, math
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 48.55 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, communication, family, little Johnny, teacher
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Vote: has 48.46 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dirty, gay, sex
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Vote: has 48.41 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, fish, time
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Vote: has 48.41 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, men
What do nostalgic gynaecologists do? Look up old friends.
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More jokes about: sex
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"
Vote: has 48.41 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing." The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?" "A month." "Why did you wait so long to report it?" "Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
Vote: has 48.41 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, marriage, wife
Q: What do you call vietnamese guy that wants to be black? A: Vinegar!
Vote: has 48.41 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist