Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24!
What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
Yo momma’s so stupid, when she went to a movie and it said, ‘Under 17 not admitted’, she went home to find 16 relatives.
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped.
"Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began.
I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!
I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles.
That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar?
A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Yo' Mama is so flat, the last time she felt a breast was in a KFC bucket.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy needs a Sherpa to help get him on top.