Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24!
What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
Yo momma’s so stupid, when she went to a movie and it said, ‘Under 17 not admitted’, she went home to find 16 relatives.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar?
A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Vote:
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear.
They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Yo momma’s so fat, ‘Place Your Ad Here’ is printed on each of her butt cheeks.