You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Don't ride the kiddie merrygo round when you are drunk, so get off.
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat? To the calf-ateria.
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry, and a sofa? A cowch potato.
Chuck Norris needs no introduction, but if you need an introduction, you need Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can braid a bald head.
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food? A:Because they can't catch it!