Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Doctor: "You have trouble with your throat? Have you ever gargled with salt water?" Patient: "Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming."
Yo momma so fat it's not even funny anymore.
Yo mama is so fat Jesus can't hold her holy spirit.
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
Yo' Mama is like a heavyweight boxer: a few licks, a few blows, and she's back to her corner.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"