A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
One cure for a cold consists of three shots of whisky. There are better remedies, but most people don’t want to hear them.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Stupid? He wanted to be a farmer. So he studied pharmacy.
If Chuck Norris told you to jump off a bridge, would you? Of course you would.
Chuck Norris' feet are so fast, he can kick you in the past.
Nuclear weapons were discovered after a failed attempt to harness the power of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris designed and created two series of cars. These are now known as Autobots and Decepticons.
Chuck Norris doesn't use anti-virus. Viruses use anti-Chuck Norris.
Extra Terrestrials often visit Earth from other galaxies - they're here to see if Chuck Norris really exists.