Chuck Norris uses an air bag... in order to protect the inside of his car in case he stops too fast.
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Chuck Norris can turn diamonds back into coal.
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Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces.
So too has his boot.
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The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
There were two guys at a gym Dan and Mike who hit the showers after a hard morning workout.
Dan said to Mike "Hey! Have you heard? That there is a gay guy at our gym today."
The Mike looking really curious and replies "Oh? Who do you think he is?"
Dan looks at Mike from mid-section to eye level and, says "Let me give you a kiss first before I tell you who."
Q: Do you know what a Mexican motorcycle sounds like?
A: Cavrone puta puta puta.
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Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in a vivid display, an angelic chorus pouring from the speakers.
Satan is astonished, ‘How did he manage that?’
God replies, ‘You might have lost everything, but Jesus saves.’
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence.
She warns him that he'll fart his guts out.
One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence.
The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom.
Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
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What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
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