The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
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Chuck Norris can comment on Facebook posts, before you publish them.
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You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Yo mama so fat that when she played Xbox live you can see her face sticking out of your tv screen.
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Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off.
I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager.
A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand.
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
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Chuck norris farted in a ditch and the grand canyon was created.
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Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
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A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
She replies, "Sorry, this is a library."
The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"
Chuck Norris leaves potholes when he jogs.
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