I know when god becomes angry.
When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"
In high school, teachers had to raise up their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like?
Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds.
One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around.
As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?"
She laughs and gets in his bed.
When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again.
Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."
If Chuck Norris were to write his own "Chuck Norris Facts", this website would have to be changed to "Chuck Norris Laws.com".
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How do you suffocate a nigger?
Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.
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When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role;
And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.
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Yo' sister is so ugly, I thought she was Yo' Mama.