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One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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More jokes about: bar, car, cop
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain." "Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" She told him earnestly. "ohh No, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain". She began to massage his groin. After a few moments she asked, "does that feel better?" The man looked up at her and replied, "yes, that feels pretty good ... but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
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More jokes about: golf, sport, women
What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards.
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"Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!"
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
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Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
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More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Pull on a coworker is to press ctrl+print screen on their workstation, then paste it into Paint, save the pic, and set it as the desktop background. Move all of their icons to the trash. When they get back to their desk, clicking won't accomplish anything!
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More jokes about: April fools, computer, office
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
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More jokes about: insulting, men, republican, women
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she taped toilet paper to her TV set for free paper view.
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More jokes about: insulting, stupid, technology, Yo mama
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved his dick right up her ass. Then she blew one gnarly fart, Blew his ball two feet apart. Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of shredded meat.
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More jokes about: disgusting, fart