Did you hear about the transvestite who wanted a night on the town? He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.
Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Knock, Knock! Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? That's a great TV show, isn't it?
Yo Momma's a bowling ball. She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter. Then she comes rolling back for more.
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it? The AIDS team.
Yo momma’s so fat, her belt size is the equator.
A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Soldier asked. "This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"