It is better to give than to receive.
This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day.
They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs.
Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one.
They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him.
They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do.
So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing.
They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do.
Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!”
Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?”
Boy: “No.”
Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.”
Boy: “And do you know who I am?”
Girl: “No,”
Boy: “Thank goodness!”
Question: What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Answer: Not really too much, but you can’t help but crack a smile when one tumbles down the stairs.
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights..
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I know when god becomes angry.
When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"
In high school, teachers had to raise up their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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