Best jokes ever

Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
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Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
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You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
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Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
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Man to vicar: ‘Do you approve of sex before marriage?’ Vicar: ‘Not if it delays the service.’
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This Refrigeration Truck Driver goes into the bar and he asks the bartender "I'd like to have a shot of Gin." The bartender decides to have some fun with him. So the bartender says "All right, what kind of gin would you like?" The trucker said "You mean there's more than one kind of gin?" Bartender says "Sure. You've got Hydrogen, Oxyogen, and Nitrogen." The trucker said "Oh!!!! Well, did you know there are three kinds of turds?" Bartender says "What do you mean three kinds of turds?" Trucker says "Well, you've got Mustard, Custard, and you, you big shit. Now give me my gin."
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Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A. Because she blows the horn!
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Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
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A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction. They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck. They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’ The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’ So the rabbi gets out some wine. They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass. But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink. Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
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More jokes about: cop, mean, priest, vulgar, wine
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
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More jokes about: animal, food, music