The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
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Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
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Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period".
His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells".
Johnny asks what color is it.
She says it's red.
Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A lickalotopis
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!”
Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?”
Boy: “No.”
Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.”
Boy: “And do you know who I am?”
Girl: “No,”
Boy: “Thank goodness!”
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.
Question: What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Answer: Not really too much, but you can’t help but crack a smile when one tumbles down the stairs.
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth.
And now, you're in your Vegas years.
You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet.
But you're still the King.
Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
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