A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"
Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
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Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation.
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The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
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Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period".
His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells".
Johnny asks what color is it.
She says it's red.
Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth.
And now, you're in your Vegas years.
You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet.
But you're still the King.
Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
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Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
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Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
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The president of the USA lives in the White House.
Chuck Norris lives in the Roundhouse.
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