Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder! 
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Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.
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A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store.
"Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks.
The brunet hid in one that said CAT.
The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS.
When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other.
The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!".
So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!".
So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it.
The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
Chuck Norris can't fly, gravity just looks the other way when he leaves the ground.
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Q: What's the easiest way to a persons heart?
A: Chuck Norris' fist
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If it were true that you are what you eat.
Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
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Chuck Norris once decided to dig a hole, today we call it the Grand Canyon.
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All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
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What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.