Lactose is Chuck Norris intolerant.
John: How old are you? Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7 John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife. See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation! So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man? No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!
Chuck Norris can't fly, gravity just looks the other way when he leaves the ground.
Q: What's the easiest way to a persons heart? A: Chuck Norris' fist
If it were true that you are what you eat. Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
Chuck Norris once decided to dig a hole, today we call it the Grand Canyon.