Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.
The barmaid came over to take their orders.
"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet.
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
There was a blonde who tried to hang herself and a diffrent blonde came in and saw her hanging from her stomach and said," your supposed to hang yourself from your neck.
And she said," i tried that but i couldnt breath.
Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking:
Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one.
What did you do?
Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
I gave up alcohol last year.
It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
There was a man who had at least four to five drinks of whisky every day of his adult life.
When he died, they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!