A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
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Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Chuck Norris inflated a flat school bus tire, with his lungs.
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Chuck Norris failed recess because he dosent play games.
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Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
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After football fans in Philadelphia were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, "Everyone should call in and give one word for that game."
"What's your word?" the host
replied.
"Bored out of my mind," said the caller.
Q: What did the dentist say to the computer?
A: This won't hurt a byte
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
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Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.