What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards.
"Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!"
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she taped toilet paper to her TV set for free paper view.
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved his dick right up her ass. Then she blew one gnarly fart, Blew his ball two feet apart. Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of shredded meat.
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale. "Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100." Surprised she asks why the price difference? "Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"