Best jokes ever

How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.
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More jokes about: sex
I've some bread dough in my pants. Wanna see if it rises?
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More jokes about: dirty
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
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More jokes about: atheist, men, military, navy
Yo mamas so nasty, she went to the hair salon, took off her shirt, and said "I wanna impress a boy, so braid it."
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Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!
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Yo momma’s so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H —— d.
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A Kentuckian entered the US Army and was in his first week of basic training. He lived in the back hills and was not used to the modern amenities. On the first day, he was issued a comb. On the second day they sent him to the barber to cut off his hair. On the third day he was issued a toothbrush and toothpaste. On the fourth day he was sent to the dentist and they pulled ten of his teeth. On the fifth day he was issued an athletic supporter. On the sixth day he went AWOL.
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What's black and white, black and white, and black and white? (A panda bear rolling down a hill!)
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More jokes about: kids
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife. Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA. He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him. "What are you trying to do," she asked. Lalu explained the spousal sex. The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
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More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
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More jokes about: kids