Two old men hobble into the pub.
One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’
‘All right,’ says the other.
‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: National Association of Apes Called People
Vote:
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
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Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
He died a year later.
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Why were there only 5000 mexicans at the Alamo?
Because there were only 2 vans.
Q: Why do blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first 9 months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.
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A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
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Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.