What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!
Hitler is daddy! Hump me! Fuck me! Daddy better gas them Jews. My gas chambers love the smoke. G-g-gas the Jews.
A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal." "Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."
Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache.
Q: What's all over a clean nose? A: Fingerprints.