Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ‘chew chew chew’.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
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Two old men hobble into the pub.
One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’
‘All right,’ says the other.
‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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Why were there only 5000 mexicans at the Alamo?
Because there were only 2 vans.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
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Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
He died a year later.
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