A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ‘chew chew chew’.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
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Two old men hobble into the pub.
One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’
‘All right,’ says the other.
‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
You pull up her sleeve.
Why were there only 5000 mexicans at the Alamo?
Because there were only 2 vans.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
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